策展人 Curator ｜賴駿杰 Jay Chun Cheih Lai

有時候，我們必須透過想念，才能真正開始理解一個人。
Sometimes we could only fully understand a person, when we miss him/her.

我們總是在回望過去時，才意識到自己成長的經驗，與「國/家」或「父權」等意識形態始終脫離不了關係。那些所謂「不想長大」而延伸出的對於父權之抵抗，也隨著歲月移轉而銘刻在生命經驗之中，這也是藝術家黃沛涵一路走來的創作核心：從過去明顯帶有女性主義色彩的「肉身童話」系列、到後來關注歐陸移民/難民與國家政策的系列畫作等，皆是此脈絡下的思想成果。而此次展出的新作，則是透過「（救國團）青年活動」連結了母親的成長歷程，在「她山」的兩相對照下，有些風景彷彿似曾相識，歷歷在目於藝術家對於自我的理解與記憶。陽光、明亮且風光明媚的山林景色，對於未來充滿憧憬的「青年」，漫步在過去由黨國所設定的教化場景，挑戰的是「需要被征服的山岳」；征服它才是有為青年。而美好家庭，更要親近自然以培育身心健康的下一代。自然與風景，成為某種國家教化所必須的人格設定場景，而如今，它透過家庭相本被流傳下來，展示的是青春有為的「國家青年」。

It is most often that looking back to the past wakes in us the realisation of how our coming of age experience is tightly tied to ideologies like ‘nation/family’ or ‘patriarchy’. As time passes by, the resistance to patriarchy that derives from the ‘reluctance to grow up’ has left a deep mark in one’s life experience. This has become the core of Peihang Benoit’s artistic practice, a notion developed under the same context and manifested in the Fleshy Fairytale series which has an obvious feminist approach, and her later series of paintings that focus on the issues of European immigrants/refugees and the government policies (in the Wonderland series). Looking at Peihang’s new works for this exhibition, the artist manages to perceive connections with her mother’s process of growth through “(China Youth Corps) Youth Activities”. Encompassed in the pun and contrast in the title of the exhibition All Her Bright Times (她山) are landscapes almost seem to be a Déjà vu and vividly present in the artist’s self-knowledge and memories. To ‘the youth’ who were full of aspirations for the future, the bright and beautiful mountains and waters were a disguise of the setting built by the party-state system for political enlightenment. In order to be one of the promising, one had to conquer the ‘mountains that needed to be conquered. To a family that is loving and supportive, one should be close to nature to raise and nurture healthy children. Nature and landscapes have become the necessary setting for a certain kind of national indoctrination, and now it is passed down through family albums, showing us the promising ‘youth of the nation’.

黃沛涵的創作本就有著細膩且多層次的情感，而在離開臺灣一段時間後，歐洲的生活歷練與重要生命轉折都在各種意義上豐富了她的表現手法。「她山」將展出其更臻至成熟且全新面向的作品，揭露黃沛涵與其母親之間的各種羈絆：如何影響她對於女性與專業工作者在家庭與社會上的角色認知，特別是在經歷了喪母之慟與初為人母的喜悅之後，如何能剝除附加在身上的假面「肉身」。削肉，除了回應藝術家過去的肉身童話系列脈絡外，在此也指涉同時帶有喜悅與極度苦痛之「新生」所卸下的心頭之肉；斥出母親在自身沉宕已久的欲望之不可得（某種缺陷），也弔詭地，藉由「成為母親」來填補身上可能有的孔洞。以時間的堆疊與破碎為方法，再次回頭、由外而內地審視自身，想望與紀念其母親。我們將訝異地發現，時間絕不是單純地前行，而是在無數的重複與相互掩映下， 揉雜而出總是相似的面貌。正如同其畫作所運用的方法，場景被重組，而現在潛行於未來。女孩/ 女兒如何理解母親的時代與記憶，以及黃沛涵對於過去的想像與未來憧憬，皆被潛在地編織、交纏在此系列畫作裡。

Peihang’s oeuvre embodies delicate and complex emotions, and after some time away from Taiwan, major life transitions and life in Europe have enriched her artistic approach in various senses. All Her Bright Times features her more sophisticated new works with new aspects, revealing the intertwined ties between the artist and her mother. The mother-daughter relationship influences her perception of the role of a woman and a professional in the family and the society, and takes off the mask made by ‘human flesh’ attached to her, especially after experiencing the grief of losing her mother and the joy of becoming a mother herself for the first time. The slashing of flesh not only echoes the artist’s earlier series Fleshy Fairytale but also refers to labouring (‘new-born’), the process of giving birth and pushing off the precious flesh of one’s child in great joy and extreme pain. It exposes the artist’s long desire of attaining the unattainable from her mother. The pain has encroached on her yet paradoxically by ‘becoming a mother’, she has filled the void in her. By overlapping and scattering time, Peihang looks back and scrutinises herself from inside out in memory of her mother. We would be surprised to find that time does not simply move forward, but under countless repetitions and piling, kneading into similar faces. Just like her paintings, the setting is reorganised and traces of the present would sneak into the future. The way a daughter understands her mother’s times and memories, Peihang’s imagination of the past and the vision for the future are woven and intertwined in this series of painting.

濃郁、不透徹且帶有高度白粉顏料的色彩，恰與那清晰、彷彿歷歷在目的「相簿」成顯著對比；明亮的戶外場景被抑鬱的天空所取代，而澄澈溪流也成為靜默的一片藍色。
不可能走過第二次的藍色河流，或許，才是人生與記憶真正的顏色。

The rich, opaque and chalky colours are in sharp contrast to the clear, seemingly vivid ‘photo album’. The bright outdoor sceneries are replaced by an overcast sky, and the clear stream becomes a glide of silent blue.
The blue river that cannot be walked past twice is, perhaps, the true colour of life and memory.

撰文 Text / 賴駿杰 Jay Chun-Chieh LAI

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她山 All Her Bright Times｜ 黃沛涵個展 Peihang Benoit Solo Exhibition
策展人 Curator ｜賴駿杰 Jay Chun Cheih Lai
展期｜2021.04.29–05.22
地點｜伊日藝術計劃 1F
地址｜台北市內湖區新明路86巷1號
時間｜Tue. – Sat. 13:00 – 19:00 週日、一休館
贊助單位｜台北市文化局